Sunday, January 3, 2010

Is the Vacuum Bag Half Empty or Half Full?

James Dyson is a sick, sick man. More cunning than any Columbian drug lord and more opportunistic than the top Starbucks executives. This man doesn't mess around. He's profiting off of those of us with a weakness that transcends addiction to legalized stimulants. He's a bottom-feeder in the retail market. He's going straight for people like me.

Type A Neat Freaks. Those of us who are compulsively clean and who can spot a dust bunny from across the room. Like sharks circling their prey at the first sign of blood in the water, we'll launch into a crusade of dusting and cleaning before tackling the real items on our to-do list. The ones with actual pressing deadlines.

I recently invested in a Dyson vacuum cleaner. I bet you're automatically thinking: Ooooh, the cool one with the ball? No. Not the one with the ball. As far as I'm concerned that ball is no good to me. (Did you know that the Dyson ball is based off of a wheelbarrow he originally invented?) What I'm talking about is the cyclone technology wrapped up into the DC 17 All Floors Model.

The best part of this vacuum is the clear cannister where all of the dustbunnies and grime I've swept up whirl about in dustbunny pergatory. With increasing satisfaction, I continue to sweep and to reach for the furthest crevices of the house until the cannister is full. Then, with the satisfaction of a hunter who has bagged a 12-point buck, and a sinner emerging from a dark [dusty] confessional, I detach the cannister from the vacuum, proceed to the garage, and purge its contents with a satisfying trigger pull. Secretly, I consider this action more of a "jetison" if I'm on the international space station and with the push of a button am sending our dustbunnies away to a black hole...never to be seen again.

Dyson aside, here's the real issue. Its a shame that the Law of Diminishing Returns is only covered in Economics cirricula. It needs to be a part of Home-Ec and maybe even psychology. As I vacuumed this morning, no matter how hard I tried, and no matter how many couch cushions I moved, the Dyson cannister simply wasn't full. The plus side: the house was relatively clean to begin with and is now in a satisfactory state. On the down side...just because the cannister is half full...the dustbunny purge was a little less satisfying. If you're a neat freak, you'll understand.

So, I entreat you, Gentle Reader, to be kind to the neat freak in your life today and clean your crumbs off of the kitchen counter. Or, if you're the thoughful type, you'll nonchalantly brush them onto the floor so that they can be vacuumed up later.

Currently Drinking: Espresso from my stovetop Bialetti espresso pot

Currently Baking: Cornbread to go with Chili for dinner

“The more original your idea, the more resistance you will meet." James Dyson

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